Hope

The pain shoots to my fingertips as the dull ache in my heart moves and flows down my arms. Loss isn't something you can explain to someone unless they have experienced it. It makes you see and feel things with astonishing clarity, sights and smells seem brighter and more pronounced. It makes you reevaluate your choices and question what you set out to achieve. To have felt (and still feel) love, the kind that lives on forever, is beautiful and it changes you. I wish you knew how much I loved you and how it hurts me to be apart from you. My life is complicated and a mess and I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but amongst this chaos, I've been steadily achieving the goals I set for myself and I hope this has not lead to me losing the one thing I want more than life itself. Clinging to a fantasy doesn't help, and hope can be cruel, but I refuse to let go of my dreams and I want you to be part of them. Maybe you won't be. I cannot predict the future. I can only continue to hope that what you feel for me is strong enough to survive this.