One of my friends continues to set goals for himself and he monitors them constantly (makes for a funny read too sometimes). Honest and truthful, he sets out to achieve these goals even when he fails and I guess it's inspiring in a way. I have a bucket list, which I compiled a while ago and this will supplement that list, but with a more short term oriented approach. Herewith my goals for 2011:
1. Adopt an attitude of "talk less, do more"
2. Finish 70-100% of my Information Science degree modules
3. Run a 10km race
4. Lose weight, become fit and eat more healthily
5. Learn Spanish or Italian (I had a thought today whilst waiting in the car: Why not make use of one of my loves to achieve this goal? I can listen to songs in the language I am trying to learn. The reason? Twofold really. I can listen to how the words are pronounced and test my knowledge by trying to identify what is being said. My native language is Afrikaans and a combination of reading, watching English programs and speaking and studying in English at university lead to a marked improvement in my English vocabulary)
6. See at least one international act live, preferably a band or artist I love DONE
7. Start and finish an acrylic painting (I should really invest in some lessons as I am not too bad with acrylic, but it is not my preferred medium)
8. Dress like a goth for a day (highly dependent on 4)
9. Get another tattoo on my right wrist (must only be done by Brent Goudie)
10. Act or behave more like a lady and open myself up more to things in life (read an interesting article on adultitis and how to cure yourself from this condition. We lose our childlike innocence as we grow older and it's important to not become jaded. I know I have become a bit more cynical and, as my friend Selwin observed, more feministic and I guess in a way that is true. From the outside, I might even seem to be harbouring misandric views. Misogyny is the hatred of women whereas misandry is the hatred of men. I don't think I hate men really per se, but my exposure to the opposite sex in the past few years has been anything but pleasant.)
11. Work on the balance and harmony in my life (spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional)
12. Visit Cape Town, take in the surroundings (I want to keep the memories close to my heart forever.)
13. Celebrate my 30th birthday like I've never celebrated anything before (I tend to joke a lot about my age and I do feel 60 sometimes, but need to change my attitude. As they say, if you don't like it, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Cliches are best served and internalized with insight, knowledge and wisdom. You've got to take these truths to heart.)
14. Be grateful for every smile, opportunity, and kindred spirit I encounter on a daily basis (find and explore one thing that makes me smile, I see as beautiful or make me appreciate life daily)
15. Buy a pair of ridiculously high Aldo shoes (Ok, this is a guilty pleasure.)
16. Trust my instincts more and develop an accurate view of myself, whether it be strengths or weaknesses that I identify (Definitely tied or linked to 11)
17. Almost forgot this one?! I need to be more active and dancing is way up there on my list of fun things to do when you want to break some sweat, get rid of the cortisol in your body and release those feel good endorphins (also linked to 4). So, the goal is to either join a gym and partake in dance classes, join a dancing school/academy or get a few DVDs and dance around like a mad person in my room.
18. Rediscover one of my forgotten passions, namely reading. Read at least three books a month.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Hope
The pain shoots to my fingertips as the dull ache in my heart moves and flows down my arms. Loss isn't something you can explain to someone unless they have experienced it. It makes you see and feel things with astonishing clarity, sights and smells seem brighter and more pronounced. It makes you reevaluate your choices and question what you set out to achieve. To have felt (and still feel) love, the kind that lives on forever, is beautiful and it changes you. I wish you knew how much I loved you and how it hurts me to be apart from you. My life is complicated and a mess and I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but amongst this chaos, I've been steadily achieving the goals I set for myself and I hope this has not lead to me losing the one thing I want more than life itself. Clinging to a fantasy doesn't help, and hope can be cruel, but I refuse to let go of my dreams and I want you to be part of them. Maybe you won't be. I cannot predict the future. I can only continue to hope that what you feel for me is strong enough to survive this.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Be that
Help...silent, unwavering from deep inside. Somedays I don't even care what I do anymore. You want me to be THAT? I'll be that. Why should I care?
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